A lot on my mind

 

A lot has been on my mind lately. I don't even know where to begin

I am ambivalent about the fact i am off chemo now. I like that I am not sick and that I can do more things, bit the idea that the tumors are growing scares the crap out of me.

Still upset about the rent increase. It's like they think I'm made out of money. 🤦 Feels like a slap in the face.

I'm also terrified of something happening with my back and pelvis. My Dr said they are so fragile they are like an 80 year old's. The tumors in the back and pelvis made the bones weak.

I already broke a vertebrae in my spine, which they fixed with surgery, and I have hairline fracture on my pelvis. We are just hoping my body heals the fracture naturally. I've been taking calcium to prevent fractures.

kitty.lovie728

A lot has been on my mind lately. I don't even know where to begin

I am ambivalent about the fact i am off chemo now. I like that I am not sick and that I can do more things, bit the idea that the tumors are growing scares the crap out of me.

Still upset about the rent increase. It's like they think I'm made out of money. 🤦 Feels like a slap in the face.

I'm also terrified of something happening with my back and pelvis. My Dr said they are so fragile they are like an 80 year old's. The tumors in the back and pelvis made the bones weak.

I already broke a vertebrae in my spine, which they fixed with surgery, and I have hairline fracture on my pelvis. We are just hoping my body heals the fracture naturally. I've been taking calcium to prevent fractures.

It hurts to walk and I love to walk. I can only walk half as long as I used to.

The tumor in my lymph node in my neck has gotten so large that you can see it when I move my head in certain positions. It's not painful but. I don't like this. 😞

I've been tired from the increase in pain medication. I thought i had to choose between having energy or having less pain but thankfully they have a third option. They put me on Ritilan to decrease my cancer fatigue. It's been working😃 but I'm still tired at times. I might need an increase.

I've been feeling less depressed lately but I still tend to worry about my diagnosis, the bills, the lymph node no my neck, and the fact they have no treatment for me.

Hopefully some scientist will figure out the something at the nick of time, and i can be put into that trial that will kill all those dumb cancer cells.

Cancer is stupid.

I've been studying the word of God, and it definitely helps with my depression and anxiety. Just knowing that He is here for me and that He cares for me and loves me brings me solace.

Anyway I'm just living one day at a time, and lean on Jesus. That's all I can do in these turbulent times.
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